Monday, March 29, 2010

IN PRAYER…


In the roller coaster called life, I have been through a number of highs and lows. My life has been complete with its trials and tribulations and tragedies, as also its ecstasies and achievements. Through this journey, I have taken much for granted, valued much and raised my hand in sheer gratitude as I have counted my blessings. Though it wouldn’t be correct to say that I have been in the pink of health all through the years, but the truth is I haven’t perhaps spared a thought about some of my rather generous endowments.

Last night, as I sat on my work desk racing against time to meet a rather important deadline, the phone rang a little ominously. With hubby dear’s (read hubby dear’s) foot in a cast due to a chip fracture in the ankle, I picked up the cordless to see who was calling at an hour, which would be dinner time for most folks.

At the other end was someone I wouldn't exactly call a friend, but someone who I have been fond of by virtue of her virtues. My husband’s former senior’s wife. We had been a little out of touch thanks to the fast lives we are all enwrapped in, so I was a little taken aback to hear her voice out of the blue. After the regular pleasantries were exchanged, to make conversation, I asked her why she sounded a little dull and then went into enquiring about her health.

It was in response to this query that I heard a mild shiver in her voice, eventhough her words didn't belie much. She said, “I am fine in a way and not so fine really.” My pulse went up and I couldn't resist asking her what she meant. She said she was fine in a way because she had just been operated upon to remove a malignant breast cancer and she wasn’t really fine, as the diagnosis and the surgery had left her shaken up and traumatized. What she revealed then, left me fumbling for not just words but I had trouble finding my voice, which seemed to have begun to sink, like my heart. She said she was calling from the hospital and that she had called to implore for the strength to wade through these testing times. I was then reminded that in the days of our direct and close association as wives of co-officers in the same regiment, I with my strong will power and faith-laden nature had once too often prayed to God for the mild her to surface out of, what were small troubles. And she always said that God always answered the prayers that I made for her. The joke was, she said she needed my recommendations to be heard!! But this was everything but funny!! I just didn't know what to say such, that would make her feel better.

I managed to give her one of my famous talks on ‘keeping the faith and being in surrender to His will’ and I could sense that I had met my objective. My telephonic monologue was interrupted midway by a nurse who came to dispense her medicines…so the lady began to feel groggy as her sleeping pills took control…which was when I politely edged her to go to sleep. She must have slept well or so I prayed…but here sleep eluded me…I just couldn’t bring my mind to focus on the task at hand…There was a sense of bereavement in a way, but the silver lining to this dark cloud was the fact that she had been very prompt about reporting her lump to the Surgical speacialist, which is perhaps why she could be operated upon in good time.

The last thing she said before we hung up was that I must pray and recommend her speedy recovery so that her post-surgery reports come clean and show that the malignancy has not spread…else chemotherapy and radiation was what lay in store for her. I would have prayed either ways…but it was the fact that she held on to hope so tightly that made me suddenly feel guilty for not valuing what I have and hankering after what I don’t…

This episode taught me two very important lessons:

One, that I must value my endowments and care about them and two, that there are people who still believe in God and think that in whatever way my prayer would reach Him faster, as I was a loved child! And being the ‘loved child of God’ was a reminder that made me feel reassured of His love to me which seemed to be shared or lost at worst, but was indeed the result of the tests of faith that He put me through…so that I may pass them with flying colours!

I am humbled and praying hard that ‘All Goes Well’ with her now and forever!!

Amen

Monday, February 1, 2010

Changed Equations with the one above

I've been meaning to do this for a long long time...mostly when I've been stirred out of my intellectual slumber by something big or trivial...but like other things that one keeps on procrastinating...this too went into the pending list for long...
And ironical as it is, today as I set to write...life has changed...and I have no words to express because I don't have feelings I feel... It's some sort of a numb stupor...painfree...
I feel as if I am liberated of the entire cycle of feeling hurt then healing and then hurting again...
Loss, joy, excitement, attachment...I seem to be ignorant of it all.
Fear seems to be the only sentiment I perceive...fear of losing what I have or rather what I am left with...
Strangely my faith seems unshaken in that power above but then all the same I am unable to seek from Him...I, who have always mumbled a prayer whether it is for an exam or for the level crossing to be open...have no prayers seeking favours...only a small wish (if He choses to hear and grant) that He leave me with what I have...I want no more...I don't know how the association I shared with Him above has changed and whether the changed equation is temporary or otherwise...I shall wait for that and lots else to be revealed!!

Monday, April 20, 2009

जिन्दगी की व्यस्तता, भोग विलास में,
जब थोडा सा ध्यान हटता है, बटता है,
तो सोंचती हूँ-
क्या इंसान ख़ुशी के सही मायने जान पाता है?

या ख़ुशी की खोज में, धर पकड़ में
खो के एक दिन इश्वर की बने इस दुनिया से
इश्वर की बनाई उस दुनिया
विलीन हो जाता है

सब कुछ - दुःख, सुख, ग़म, ख़ुशी
अमीरी, गरीबी सब कुछ
यहीं का यहीं धरा रह जाता है
और उस ख़ुशी की खोज
अधूरी रह जाती है
ठीक उन अधूरी बातों और कर्जों की तरह
जो इंसान के जीवन काल में
वो पुरे कर ही नहीं पाता
जब इंसान नग्न होता है, और भूखा
तो कपडे और खाना पाकर वो खुश हो जाता है
जब गरीबी की रेखा से आखिरकार उसका रिश्ता टूटता है,
तो मकान पाने तक जाता है ख़ुशी का दायरा
फिर गाडी, बंगला और वो सब कुछ जो
पैसा खरीद सकता है पा जाने में ही
पैसा खरीद सकता है पा जाने में ही
जब भुखमरी से बंगले और बुढापे का सफ़र तय हो जाता है,
तब भी इंसान सिर्फ मौत में ख़ुशी नहीं ढूंढ़ता
ढूंढ़ता है ख़ुशी इस बात में की
उसकी मौत अखबारों की सुर्खियों में छपे,
उसकी मय्यत में प्रधान मंत्री न सही
तो उसकी शोक सभा में मुख्य मंत्री तो आये
सच इंसान सब कुछ पा सकता है ख़ुशी नहीं ...
कलम क्या कहेगी ग़म-ए-दास्तां
वो तो अश्क कह देते हैं
जुबां तो बेचारी दास्तां सुना करती है

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

Of Lines and Lengths
(Statutory Warning: Don’t be misguided by the title of the blog entry. It has nothing even remotely to do with Cricket. So for those of you who lust after the game, take my word for it, this is going to be a googly!!)
Disgusted with the delayed responses of a long lost college (now) friend (then friend’s boyfriend, I put an exasperated status message on my gmail account!! It read, ‘I hate DELAYED RESPONSES!’
Another blast from the past (read permanent ‘we are NOT just friends’) from good old college days, asked me who had dared to infuriate the Lady. I complained that this guy vanishes each time he’s punched in a line…and then at the end of some days all the communication I have had with him is that one single lonely line!! This launched us into something we both thoroughly enjoy indulging in!! (Ok no more ideas please!!) Wordplay!! (oh yes it’s the correct four letter word!!)) The following is the short dialogue that motivated this blog entry after the long hiatus:
Blast from the past: This gives an all new meaning to "drop me a line."
Me: Talking about lines....how about ‘pick up lines’ ‘drawing the line’ and ‘reading between the lines’!!
Blast from the past: Oh what did I miss between the lines!
Me: More like missed something between the sheets!!
Having had what we believe to be intellectual conversations!!
I quickly decided to share this mindwork with the rest of you who’d care to read!!
And as I wind up…I’m getting a lil philosophical…reminded of the ghazal by maestro Jagjit Singh…Baat niklegi to phir duur talak jaayegi….!!

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Will She?

Will She?
Will she waltz her way into my life
And teach me how beautiful has been my strife.
Barefoot and mischievous
she’ll be one to look out for
The apple of my eye
she’ll be my biggest star.
I’ll love her and keep her like a queen would, a princess
I’ll also remember not to let her get used to any excess.
She’ll know me to be her friend
Forever a ear ready to lend.
I’ll teach her about life and love
And give her everything from my treasure trove.
She’ll grow up to be the epitome of grace and elegance
a symbol of youthful spirit and energy.
She will bring to my life harmony.
Will she?

Silent Conversations

Silent Conversations

When the sound of silence
is impregnated with words
the air all around is heavy with expression.
When the tongue fails but the eyes speak.
When all over and everywhere,
the basil plant, and the swift hare
all flora, fauna tide and mountain
Speak without a sound
And water flows as if in a symphony
When the spoons clang in swirling cups of tea
And what emanates is sheer expression.
Such are Nature's Silent Conversations.

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